Forgiveness in Marriage: Letting Go and Moving Forward
A Woman’s Guide to Healing and Reconnection
Let's be honest, marriage can be tough. Sometimes your husband does something that really hurts. Holding onto that anger and resentment just poisons everything, doesn't it? As a wife and mother, I've learned that letting go is the secret to a happy home. Forgiveness isn't about saying what he did was okay. It's about choosing to release that hurt so you can move forward together. It's about healing your heart and reconnecting with the man you love. A strong marriage is built on grace, and learning how to forgive is key to building a healthier, happier relationship that lasts.
Why Forgiveness Isn't Just for Him, It's for You
When I was a photographer, I used to carry around a heavy bag of cameras and
lenses all day long. By the end of a long wedding shoot, my back and shoulders
would be aching. Holding onto anger in a marriage feels just like that. It's a
heavy, useless weight that does nothing but wear you down and make you tired and
unhappy. It makes it hard to be a good wife and mother when you are carrying all
that extra baggage around with you. Letting it go is the only way to feel light
again.
A lot of people think that forgiving your husband means you are saying what he
did was okay. That is just not true. Forgiveness is not about making excuses for
bad behavior or pretending you weren't hurt. It's about you, not him. It's you
saying, "Yes, that hurt me, but I am not going to let that hurt control me or my
marriage anymore." You can forgive the person without ever approving of the
action.
The main reason to forgive is for your own peace of mind. When you hold onto
resentment, you are the one who suffers the most. It's like a little storm cloud
that follows you around, raining on everything you do. But when you make the
choice to forgive, you are choosing to step out from under that cloud and into
the sunshine. You are giving yourself the gift of a calm and peaceful heart,
which is something every woman deserves to have in her own home.
As long as you are holding onto a grudge, the person who hurt you still has
power over your feelings. You're letting something from the past steal your joy
in the present. When I decided to truly forgive my husband for past hurts, I
felt like I was taking back the steering wheel of my own life. I was the one
deciding how I was going to feel today, not some old memory. Forgiveness puts
you back in the driver's seat of your own happiness.
The 'But I Can't Forget' Problem
People often get confused and think that forgiving means you also have to
forget. But our memories are important, even the painful ones. They are there to
teach us lessons so we don't repeat the same mistakes. Forgetting what happened
would be like throwing away a lesson God wanted you to learn. We should remember
what happened, not to hold it against our husband, but to help us build a wiser
and stronger marriage for the future.
Instead of trying to wipe the memory away, which is impossible, we should work
on changing its power over us. A memory is just a story from the past, and we
can decide how we let that story affect us today. We can choose to see it not
just as a time of pain, but also as a time we learned something important or a
time we saw our own strength. It's about changing the feeling that is attached
to the memory.
Think of it like this: when you get a bee sting, it hurts a lot at first. After
a while, the pain goes away, but you might still have a little mark. You can
look at that mark and remember the sting, but it doesn't hurt anymore. That's
what we want to do with hurtful memories. We want to take the emotional sting
out of them so that when we remember them, it's just a fact from our past, not a
pain in our heart.
Building a Stronger Marriage After a Hurt
Forgiving is something you do in your own heart, and it can happen in a moment.
But rebuilding trust is a different story. It's a journey that you and your
husband have to take together. It's not fair to expect everything to feel normal
again right away. Trust is built on actions, not just words. It will take time
and a lot of patience from both of you to lay down new bricks of trust, one day
at a time.
One of the best ways my husband and I have found to rebuild trust is by
intentionally creating new, happy memories. When you fill your life with
positive experiences, the old, negative ones start to fade into the background.
Go on a date, take a walk, cook a meal together, or plan a fun weekend with the
kids. The more good times you share, the more you'll be reminded of the good in
your marriage, and the easier it will be to believe in your future.
Sometimes, when we are stuck in a hard place, it helps to look back at how we
got started. I pull out our old wedding photos and remember that young couple,
so full of love and hope. Remembering why you fell in love in the first place
can be a powerful anchor. It reminds you of the man you chose to marry and the
good qualities he has. This helps you see beyond the current problem and
remember the foundation you built your life on.
Every marriage will face storms. The struggles you overcome together are what
make your bond stronger. Facing a betrayal or a deep hurt, and choosing to work
through it, can make your marriage more real and more resilient than it ever was
before. It shows that your commitment is not just for the easy times, but for
the hard times too. This shared victory becomes a powerful part of your story
and can give you confidence that you can handle anything that comes your way in
the future.
When to Get Help
As women, we often think we have to be strong enough to handle everything on our
own. But the truth is, some wounds are too deep to heal by ourselves. It is not
a failure to admit that you and your husband need help navigating a difficult
time. In fact, admitting you need help is one of the bravest things you can do
for your relationship and for your family.
Reaching out for help is a sign of great strength. It shows that you value your
marriage so much that you are willing to do whatever it takes to protect it.
Whether you talk to a trusted pastor, an older and wiser couple from your
church, or a professional Christian counselor, you are choosing to fight for
your marriage. It shows true wisdom to look for tools and guidance when you know
you are in over your head.
When you and your husband are in the middle of a conflict, it can feel like you
are speaking two different languages. A counselor or a pastor can act as a
translator. Because they are not emotionally involved, they can see things more
clearly and help you understand each other's point of view. They can offer new
ways of looking at the problem and teach you better ways to talk to each other
so you can actually solve the issue instead of just arguing about it.
Our marriage is the heart of our home. When my husband and I are strong and
united, our children feel safe and secure. The health of our marriage affects
everything and everyone under our roof. That's why it is so important to fight
for it. Getting help is not just about saving your relationship; it's about
protecting the foundation upon which your entire family stands. It is the most
important investment you can ever make.
Forgiveness is a Daily Choice
Life is not made up of grand, dramatic moments. It is made up of thousands of
little, ordinary days all strung together. In marriage, that means there will be
small annoyances every single day. He might forget to take out the trash, or you
might be short with him after a long day with the children. These are the little
bumps in the road on a very long and beautiful journey.
If you make a habit of forgiving the little things, it becomes much easier when
you have to face something big. Practice letting go of the small frustrations
every day. Don't let little grievances build up into a big wall of resentment
between you. Think of it as keeping your heart in shape. The more you exercise
the muscle of forgiveness on the small stuff, the stronger it will be when you
really need it.
Choosing to forgive, both the big things and the small, is a gift you give over
and over again. It is a gift to your husband, showing him grace and love. It is
a gift to yourself, freeing your own heart from the burden of anger. And most of
all, it is a gift to your children, creating a home for them that is filled with
peace, love, and a beautiful example of what a lasting marriage looks like.