Submission in Marriage: A Traditional Perspective
Understanding Its Place in Modern Christian Relationships
The word 'submission' can make some people pretty uncomfortable these days, especially in a Christian marriage. Lots of folks think it means being a doormat or that a wife has no say. But that's not what my husband and I have found at all. From a traditional, conservative point of view, it's really about respect, partnership, and creating a peaceful home. It's not about a husband bossing his wife around, but about a woman choosing to honor her husband's leadership in the family. It's a team effort that, when done with love, makes a relationship stronger and brings everyone closer together.
What Submission Really Means (and What It Doesn't)
Before we go any further, I think it's really important to talk about what
submission in marriage is not. A lot of people hear that word and immediately
picture a woman who is quiet, has no opinions, and just does whatever she's told
like a doormat. That picture is completely wrong and is not what I am talking
about at all. Submission does not mean a wife loses her voice or her value. In
my marriage, I have thoughts, ideas, and a will of my own, and my husband knows
it and respects it. The idea is not to be silenced, but to choose a certain kind
of harmony in the home.
So what is it then? For me, it is about having a deep trust in my husband and
his ability to lead our family well. It is my active choice to get behind his
vision for our future and to help him make it a reality. Think of it like a
business partnership where one person is the CEO. The other partner's job is to
support the CEO's direction, offer advice, and help execute the plan. I see my
role as that supportive partner, working with my husband to build the best life
possible for our children and ourselves.
This is not something that is forced on me; it is a choice I make every single
day out of love and respect for my husband. I choose to honor the role that God
has given him as the head of our home. By respecting his position, I am showing
him that I trust him and believe in him. This act of honoring his leadership is
one of the most powerful ways I can show my love and commitment to him, and it
strengthens our bond more than anything else.
Now, saying he is the head of the home does not mean he is a dictator who barks
orders. Far from it. It actually means that he carries the final responsibility
for the health and safety of our family. He has the last word on big decisions,
but that also means the weight of those decisions rests on his shoulders. That
is a heavy burden to carry, and my support is meant to help him carry it, not to
make it heavier by fighting him for control.
Why I Choose to Submit to My Husband
In my old job as a fashion and event photographer, I was always the one in
charge. I directed the models, managed the clients, and made sure every single
detail was perfect. I was used to being the leader. When I got married, learning
to let my husband take the lead was a big change, but it was surprisingly
wonderful. I discovered that there is an amazing amount of freedom and peace
that comes from not having to be in control of everything all the time. It was
like I could finally take a deep breath and relax.
Letting my husband handle the stress of final decisions allows me to pour all my
energy into the things I truly love and feel called to do. My greatest joy comes
from raising our three children and creating a home that feels like a safe,
warm, and happy place for everyone. I can focus on nurturing their hearts,
teaching them our values, and making our house a true home. I am able to do my
best work for our family because I am not spread thin trying to do his job too.
There is also a deep sense of security that comes from watching my husband grow
into his role as our family's leader and protector. When I trust and support
him, it builds his confidence and encourages him to be the best man he can be.
Seeing him stand tall and lead our family with wisdom and strength makes me feel
so safe and cherished. It's a beautiful cycle where my respect empowers him, and
his strong leadership brings me peace.
The Husband's Role is Just as Important
I have to be very clear about something: this whole idea of submission only
works if the husband is doing his part. This is not a one-way street where the
wife does all the giving and the husband does all the taking. A marriage built
on that kind of thinking is unhealthy and will not last. The entire structure of
our marriage depends on my husband fulfilling his duties just as much as I
fulfill mine.
The Bible gives husbands a very high standard to live up to. It tells them to
love their wives in the same way that Christ loved the church, and He loved the
church so much that He died for it. This is a call for a husband to practice
sacrificial love. It means he should be willing to put his wife's needs, her
well-being, and her happiness before his own, every single time. It is the
opposite of being selfish.
A good husband who is living up to this calling leads his family with love and
gentleness, not with an iron fist. He actively seeks out his wife's opinion and
truly listens to her because he values her wisdom and perspective. My husband
knows that we make the best decisions when we make them together, even if he has
the final say. He considers my feelings and needs because his main goal is to
love and care for me and our children.
I love the classic saying that the husband is the captain of the ship and the
wife is his first mate. The captain is responsible for the ship's direction and
safety, but he would be foolish not to listen to his trusted first mate. We are
a team. We work together, using our different strengths to navigate the waters
of life and steer our family toward a safe and happy harbor.
How It Strengthens Our Marriage and Family
One of the biggest benefits we have seen in our family is a sense of peace.
Because we have clearly defined roles, we do not spend a lot of time fighting
for control or arguing about who is in charge. We both know what is expected of
us, and we work together within that structure. This has saved us from so much
unnecessary conflict and confusion, making our home a much calmer and more
loving place to be.
Our children also get to grow up seeing what a healthy partnership looks like.
They see their father leading with a loving and serving heart, and they see
their mother respecting and supporting him. This gives them a powerful and
positive example for what they should look for in their own future marriages. We
are not just telling them how to have a good family; we are showing them every
single day.
This whole approach builds a very strong foundation of trust and stability in
our marriage. We know that we are on the same team and that we can rely on each
other no matter what. When life gets hard, and it always does, we do not fall
apart or turn against each other. Instead, we pull together under my husband's
leadership and face the problem as a united front. This has given our family the
strength to weather any storm that has come our way.
Answering Common Questions
People often ask me what happens when my husband and I disagree on something
important. It's a great question, because we definitely do not agree on
everything! When we have a disagreement, we talk about it openly and honestly. I
share all of my thoughts and feelings, and I make sure he understands my point
of view. He listens carefully to me, but if we still can't agree after all that,
I make the choice to trust his judgment and support the final decision he makes.
It is an act of faith in him.
Another comment I hear a lot is that this way of life is old-fashioned and does
not fit in the modern world. I understand why people might think that, but I
believe some values are timeless for a reason. Things like honor, respect, and
sacrifice are not outdated; they are the building blocks of any strong
relationship. This model for marriage has worked for families for thousands of
years because it is based on a design that is bigger than modern trends.
Finally, some people think that choosing to submit must make me weak, but I see
it as the exact opposite. It takes a huge amount of inner strength and
confidence to willingly trust another person with your well-being and to support
their leadership. It is easy to demand your own way, but it takes real character
to practice humility, grace, and self-control. It is one of the hardest and most
rewarding things I do, and it has made me a much stronger woman.