Protecting Time Together: Scheduling Date Nights That Last

Before my husband and I had our son and daughter, spending time together was the easiest thing in the world. We could go out for dinner whenever we wanted or take a spontaneous weekend trip. But once you get married and start a family, life gets incredibly full. Suddenly, your calendar is packed with playdates, school events, and a never-ending list of chores. It's so easy to let your own relationship slip to the bottom of that list without even realizing it.

A date night is so much more than just a fancy dinner or a movie. It's a special, set-aside time to remember that you and your husband are a couple first. In the day-to-day rush, it's easy to see each other only as 'Mom' and 'Dad' or as partners running a household. Date night is our chance to push all of that aside and reconnect as the man and woman who fell in love and chose to build a life together.

I like to think of our date nights as a regular tune-up for our marriage, just like you’d do for your car to keep it running well. Life can get stressful, and small issues can build up if you don't take the time to talk and connect. Getting away from the house, the laundry, and the bills gives us a chance to really talk, laugh, and just be with each other. It keeps our connection strong and our communication open.

Making time for your marriage is a true investment, and it's the most important one you'll ever make. You are pouring time and energy into the foundation of your family. When my husband and I are strong and happy together, it creates a stable and loving environment for our children to grow up in. That peace and security pays dividends for everyone in the family for years to come.

In my old job in real estate and marketing, I lived by my calendar. I learned a simple truth very quickly: if an important meeting or task wasn't scheduled, it probably wasn't going to happen. The same exact rule applies to your marriage. You can't just wait for a free evening to magically appear, because it won't. You have to be intentional and schedule your quality time just like you would any other important priority.

The best way to make this happen is to sit down together with your calendars. At the beginning of every month, my husband and I find a time that works for both of us. We choose a night, book the babysitter right then and there, and write it down in our planners with a real pen. This way, it's a firm commitment, not just a vague idea that can easily be forgotten or pushed aside.

Once that date is on the calendar, you have to protect it. Treat it with the same importance you would give to a doctor's appointment or a big meeting at work. You wouldn't cancel those for a small reason, and you shouldn't cancel on your spouse either. Of course, real emergencies happen, but try your best to not let other, less important things get in the way. This shows your husband that he and your marriage are a top priority.

One of the best parts about scheduling date night in advance is the anticipation it builds. Having that special time on the calendar gives both of you something to look forward to all week or all month long. It adds a little bit of excitement to your routine. It’s a reminder that you're not just parents and workers, but a couple who still enjoys and looks forward to being together.

I completely understand how hard it can be for a mom to leave her children, especially when they are little. My heart ached the first few times I left my kids with a sitter! But I realized that for me to truly relax and connect with my husband, I needed to know my children were safe and happy. Finding childcare you can trust is the most important step in making date nights a success.

The first place to look for help is usually your closest circle of family and trusted friends. We are so blessed that our children's grandparents love to watch them. It gives the kids special bonding time with them, and it gives us incredible peace of mind. Maybe an aunt, uncle, or a close family friend would be happy to help out for an evening.

If you don't have family nearby who can help, the next step is to look within your community. Is there a responsible teenager from your church or in your neighborhood that other families recommend? Don't be shy about asking for references and talking to other parents who have hired them. Your children's safety is the number one priority, so it's important to do your homework.

Before leaving your kids with a new sitter for a whole evening, I highly recommend doing a 'trial run'. Have the sitter come over for an hour or two while you are still at home, maybe doing some chores or work in another room. This gives your children a chance to get comfortable with the new person in a low-pressure way, and it lets you observe how they interact. It makes leaving for the real date night so much easier for everyone.

Some people think that date night has to be expensive, but that is absolutely not true. Please don't let a tight budget become an excuse for not spending quality time together. The whole point of a date is to connect with your husband, and connection doesn't cost a thing. A great date is about the effort you put in, not the money you spend.

One of my favorite simple dates is to pack a picnic and head to a pretty park nearby. We can bring some sandwiches, a blanket, and just enjoy the quiet. Watching the sunset together while we talk is incredibly romantic, and it costs next to nothing. It's about getting creative and focusing on the simple pleasure of each other's company.

You can also have a wonderful date night right at home after the kids are in bed. This is a perfect option when you can't get a sitter or just want to save money. We'll make a special dinner that we both love, maybe light a few candles, and put on some nice music. The most important rule is that we turn off the TV and put our phones away. It makes an ordinary evening at home feel special.

If you do want to go out, just be smart about it. Look for restaurants that have weekly specials or happy hour deals. Going to a movie is much cheaper in the afternoon than at night. Sometimes you can find coupons or deals online for local activities. With a little bit of planning and creativity, you can have a fun night out without breaking the bank.

It's so easy to fall into a routine and go to the same restaurant or do the same thing for every date night. There's comfort in what's familiar, but trying new things together is what creates new memories and keeps the excitement alive. Breaking out of your regular routine can bring a new spark to your relationship and help you see each other in a new light.

A great way to keep things fresh is to take turns planning the date. One month, I'll plan everything, and the next month, it's my husband's turn. This way, the pressure isn't always on one person to come up with ideas. It also encourages us to try activities that the other person really enjoys. I've discovered some new hobbies this way that I never would have tried on my own!

There are so many fun things you can do together that go beyond the usual dinner and a movie. You could take a cooking class and learn to make a new dish together. Go bowling and have a little friendly competition. Spend an afternoon wandering through a museum or art gallery. Or you could just go for a long hike or browse a bookstore together, hand in hand. The possibilities are endless.

The main goal here is to simply do something that is different from your normal, everyday life. It's about sharing a new experience, whether it's big or small. Doing something active or learning something new together forces you to engage with each other in a different way than when you're just talking about the kids' schedules or who is taking out the trash.

This is a really important rule for us, and I can't recommend it enough. When my husband and I are on a date, we create a 'no-phone zone'. Our phones get put away in my purse or left in the car. The entire reason we are out together is to give each other our full, undivided attention, and you simply can't do that if you're looking at a screen.

Of course, as parents, we need to be reachable in case of an emergency. We always make sure the sitter has our numbers and tell her to call us if she needs anything at all. But that's the only exception. There should be no mindlessly scrolling through social media, checking sports scores, or answering emails from work. All of that can wait a couple of hours.

It is truly amazing how much the quality of your conversation improves when you remove the distraction of your phones. You make eye contact. You listen more carefully. You find that you have so much more to talk about because you're not just reacting to something you saw online. It brings you back to the way things were when you were first dating, when you could talk for hours about anything and everything.

The health of our marriage sets the entire tone for our home. When my husband and I are feeling connected, communicating well, and making time for each other, there is a feeling of peace and happiness that spreads to the whole family. Our marriage is the foundation, and when that foundation is strong, our family is strong.

Our children are always watching and learning from us. By seeing their dad and me prioritize our relationship, they are learning what a strong and loving marriage looks like. We are showing our son how a husband should treat his wife and showing our daughter what she should expect from a future partner. We are setting the example for the relationships they will have one day.

I can honestly say that taking time for my marriage makes me a better mother. Being a mom is a wonderful, all-consuming job, but it can also be draining. Our date nights are a chance for me to recharge and remember that I am also a wife and a woman. It fills up my own cup, so when I come home, I have more patience, more joy, and more energy to give to my children.

At the end of the day, it all comes down to a very simple truth: a happy husband and a happy wife create a happy home. When the two people at the center of the family are thriving, the entire family benefits. Making your marriage a priority through regular date nights isn't selfish; it's one of the most loving things you can do for your children and your future together.